(no subject)

[allichaton]

Long damn sex scene snippet. 5k. All of yesterday's words. This is erotica, guys, so if that bothers you, don't read it.

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Kyl picked the quilt up from where it lay crumpled on the bed and wrapped it around my shoulders. "I'm not cold," I said, even as I clutched at the quilt with numb fingers.

"I know. It's the shock, but the blanket will help anyway." He closed his eyes and shook his head, but not before I saw grief flash through his gaze. "Gods, Rin, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"I should have kept better watch on them."

I shook my head. "It's not your fault. He was drunk and aroused, and I'm the only woman on board the ship."

Kyl's voice was very quiet, almost dangerous. "That doesn't excuse his behavior. Not all of my crew have such little control over themselves that they seek out a woman's embrace the moment their feet touch dry land."

I thought of Morthen and Jern, wrapped in each other's arms. A blush crept up my neck and across my cheeks. "That is certainly true." I resisted the urge to chuckle. It struck me as incredibly funny, even though a corner of my mind knew it wasn't funny at all. Laughter pushed at my throat, tinged with hysteria. I fought it down. If I let it loose, it would control me. I didn't want to loose control.

Kyl sent me a small, puzzled frown. "What do you mean by that?"

I squashed the last of my chuckles and looked up at him, forcing myself to be sober. "Not all of your crew would seek out a woman's embrace at all."

"I'm not understanding you, Riannen." He gave his head a little shake.

"Morthen and Jern," I said.

His eyes widened with surprise, then narrowed with suspicion. "What do you mean?"

Damnall, he knew what I meant. I frowned up at him. "They fancy each other." And then some.

Kyl didn't look pleased. He frowned, not at me but past me, at something far off in the distance that only he could see. "Morthen doesn't trust anyone enough to talk about that," he said. "And Jern cares for Morthen too much to tell others and risk hurting Morthen. How do you know?"

I told him. Heat burned my cheeks when I got to the part about finding them naked in each other's arms, but I didn't stop. As I talked, Kyl's expression slowly slid from one of displeasure to barely restrained amusement. His eyes sparkled as he looked at me, his lips twitching with the effort not to laugh. "You're lucky Morthen didn't kill you," he said with a chuckle once I'd finished.

"I know. Jern calmed him." I slid off the bed and stood, pulling the quilt tight around me. I took slow steps towards Kyl, watching him. His expression was wary. "Are things like that common, on board a ship?" I asked quietly.

"Things like what?"

"Sailors fancying other men. I assumed maybe, since they lack the opportunity for interaction with women. . ."

Kyl smiled and ducked his head. "It happens. It's not rampant, but yes, it happens. Often enough that two men who both fancy other men were able to not only meet and lust after each other, but fall in love, as well. Love between men is just as rare and wonderful as love between a man and a woman."

I saw the awe in his eyes, the reverence he held for love between men. I told myself it didn't matter, but I lied. It hurt. I bit my lip and asked because I had to, "What about you?" My voice was whisper soft, but the room was silent. He didn't have to strain to hear me. "Do you long for another man to share your bed, your heart? Another sailor, who understands the life you live, and has chosen the same life for himself?"

Kyl stared at me. "Why do you ask me such things? Why would you think such things?"

"You pushed me away." Pain trembled in my voice. I'd tried so hard to keep the pain out of it, but it was there anyway, lurking beneath the surface. I drew a deep breath. "If you don't want me, I understand. All you have to do is tell me." It had to be the bravest thing I'd ever said. "I'll take my leave and make my way in Seon. You don't have to be responsible for me."

Kyl made a sound like a wounded animal. "If I don't want you? Gods above, Riannen. How could you think any such thing?"

I bit my lip. "You pushed me away," I said again.

"Aye, and I kissed you until both our mouths were raw from it." He strode forward until our chests brushed, towering over me. I looked up at him, and I wasn't intimidated, just sad. "You think I could kiss you like that, that I could hold you and touch you how I did, and not want you?" He lifted his hands and hovered them over my breast, just above the shirt. He didn't touch me, but I could feel his caress just the same. My breath hitched. He looked into my eyes again, and desire swamped me, his and mine combined. "You are so beautiful, Riannen. How can you possibly think I could look at you, kiss you, touch you. . .and long for someone else?" He gave his head a fast, hard shake. His hands closed the gap between us, wrapping around my waist, pulling me against him. His muscles were hard and warm against me. His hands incited flames everywhere they touched. Kyl bowed his head and whispered against my lips, "I do not fancy men, Rin. I fancy you."

I kept my eyes open, though I wanted nothing more than to close them and kiss him. "This isn't proof," I whispered.

He frowned. "By all the gods, what do you want from me?"

"Something more **definitive** than kissing." I had to curl my hands into fists to resist the urge to reach for him. "I don't fancy women, but it would not kill me to kiss one, even as passionately as we kissed last night."

He stared at me, then shook his head, disbelieving. "You're just trying to get to take you to bed to prove it."

I laughed, but I didn't deny it. I couldn't. Part of me wanted to drag him to the bed that moment, and spend the rest of the night in his arms. "I want to know why you pushed me away." I wrapped my arms around his back, pulling him against me, and rested my head against his chest. "You smell of rum and another woman's perfume." Pain erupted within me. I staggered back and stared at him, wounded. "You joined them, didn't you?" My voice was breathy from disbelief. "Your men aren't the only ones who squandered their coin on liquor and women. They had the company of their captain."

I spun away. I couldn't look at him. My arms closed over my chest, as if I could catch the pieces of my heart that had been sliced away.

"Riannen--"

"Don't touch me." I could feel him behind me, his heat, his strength, his presence. I shivered and wrapped my arms tighter around myself.

"Riannen, I slept with no woman tonight."

I shook my head. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better. Lying only makes me feel worse, don't you understand that? If you don't want me--" My breath hitched; I couldn't finished. "Godsdamn." I squeezed my eyes tightly closed, refusing to let the burning tears fall. "I can't fault you for not finding me attractive," I whispered. The words tasted bitter and acidic as I spoke them; I hated every one. I drew a deep breath, gathering courage within me, and turned back to face Kyl. The shock on his face reverberated through me like a physical blow.

"How could you think that?" he demanded, voice rough. "Gods above, Riannen, how could you think that?"

I shook my head. "You smell of another woman," I whispered. I wished the words weren't so painful, that I could speak them bravely, as if each one didn't send daggers twisting through my heart. "If I'm no better than a sailor's whore, I--"

I froze with a sudden realization. The tears I'd fought to control broke free, spilling down my cheeks. "Never mind." I staggered back. I'd forgotten the bed was behind me; it hit me at the backs of my knees, and I fell backwards onto it. Kyl was there before I could get up, leaning over me, holding me down on top of the **mattress**. His expression was a mix between pain and fury.

He leaned down, bringing his face close to mine. "Riannen, what the bloody hells are you talking about?"

I shook my head. "It's okay, I understand now." I pushed against him. "Kyl, get off of me."

He shifted. I thought for a moment he would do as I asked, but he only pulled the rest of himself up onto the bed and positioned his body on top of mine, pinning me beneath his weight. I wanted to run, to be free from him. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and never let me go. Whatever happened, the decision was his. I couldn't move.

He bent his face over me, filling my vision. "Tell me, Riannen." His voice was commanding. He spoke with the voice of a captain, expecting complete obedience. "What do you understand, Riannen? Gods. Tell me what's put such horror within your eyes."

"I am no better than a sailor's whore." I forced myself to say the words flatly. I watched the shock and outrage flood Kyl's face.

His hands tightened on my upper arms with a grip that would bruise. "Why would you ever believe that?"

"They sell their bodies. They take coin in exchange for their bodies." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I'm not asking for coin. I'm giving my honor away. At least the whores have the sense to demand recompense."

Understanding spread across his face. Tenderness accompanied it. I'd expected acceptance, or agreement. Not tenderness. I didn't expect my admission to endear myself to him even further. He met my gaze, and something intimate passed between us. He whispered, "I would think less of you if you did."

I stared at him, speechless.

He groaned and shook his head. "Riannen, I paid no woman for her body this night. I won't lie to you; I usually do. I have a few favorites in Seon whom I've missed the company of. Aye, you smell another woman's perfume on me; I went to them, expecting this night to be the same as any other."

I turned my face away, hiding the pain that I couldn't control.

"Listen to me, Riannen." Kyl shifted, freeing a hand to cup my chin and force me to look back at him. I couldn't turn away from his voice. Pain was raw within it, echoing the ache in my chest. I stared at him, and wished I had the strength of will to turn away. "I spent this night in no woman's bed. Believe that if you believe nothing else."

"But you intended to."

He groaned and sat up, dragging both hands through the hair at his temples. "Aye. Aye, I'd intended to. Is it so impossible to understand why? I want you. Gods, I want you enough to make me ache in ways I haven't ached since I was a lad. And when I disembarked this evening, I fully intended to seek out one of the whores who favor me and ease this ache with her. But I couldn't, Riannen." His hands framed my face, forbidding me to look away from the wealth of emotions that flickered across his face. "I couldn't. I went to her, and helped her take her dress off, and I didn't want her. I want you, Riannen. It's you that I ache for, no one else."

He didn't give me a chance to speak. He closed the last breath of space between us, his mouth covering mine. His lips were warm, his breath hot. I was already breathless from the weight of him atop me. His kiss made me dizzy, light-headed. I let out a soft, shuddering breath, and let him fill my mouth.

His hands cupped my breasts, lifting their weight. He brushed his thumbs over my nipples, then lightly caught them between his fingers. Pleasure shattered through me, making me moan. He nipped at my lip, almost pain. I gasped and arched against him.

He lifted his head. I murmured in protest and frowned up at him. "I've already said I want you, Riannen." His brow was wrinkled, furrowed with pain. "Don't you want me?"

I let out a long breath. "Want you? Gods. Of course I want you, Kyl." I let my head fall back, my eyes slide closed. "I want you so much it hurts."

"Then why won't you touch me?"

I opened my eyes. I'd never heard that depth of pain in his voice. His eyes were haunted. I couldn't tear my gaze away from them. "Do you want me to touch you?" I whispered.

He shuddered against me, violent trembles. "Yes." The word tore from his throat, then no more. We stared at each other, our bodies pressed together, our hearts beating against each other. Time seemed to stand still as a thousand unspoken things passed between us. Slowly, wary of breaking the spell, I leaned up and brushed a gentle kiss across Kyl's brow. His eyelids fluttered, then closed. I rested my hand on his arm, and I could feel the tension through him. I wanted to ease it. I wanted to soothe the pain naked in his eyes when he looked at me.

I drifted kisses across his face, over his temple, down his cheek, along the line of his jaw. He twisted his head and met my lips with his own. His hand wrapped around the back of my neck and held me there when I shifted to continue my explorations. I hesitated, then kissed him. His mouth opened beneath mine, offering everything. I took it all. His mouth was warm, his taste heady. Our tongues touched, a quick, fluttering caress, then withdrew. I gasped, then pressed my mouth tighter against his. I stroked my tongue along his, marveling at the soft, satin feel of it. He returned the caress and lightly sucked, making me squirm with restlessness, need. His teeth closed lightly over me, scraping as I withdrew. I blinked my eyes open and stared up at him. His eyes were still closed, his face slack with pleasure. My hand shook as I lifted it and ran a light touch along the curve of his cheek.

He opened his eyes, looking down at me. We simply lay there and watched each other. My pulse pounded against my skull; my heart threatened to leap from my chest, it pounded so hard. "You pushed me away," I whispered. I was afraid to speak the words, but I was more afraid of what might happen if I didn't. "Don't push me away again. If you tell me to go, now, I'll go. But please, don't push me away again."

He didn't say anything for the longest time. I waited, barely breathing, terrified he would ask me to leave. I had told him I would, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to loose the weight of him pressing down on me; I didn't want to loose the taste of him, the heat of him.

"I don't want you to go," he finally whispered. "Rin, don't go."

"I won't." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him back to me for another deep kiss.

He slid a hand down my side. The heel of his palm brushed my breast, making me shiver. He pulled the edge of my shirt out of my breeches and slipped his hand inside; he traced the skin across my stomach. His hand was warm, his touch gentle. He circled the indent of my navel lightly, treading the line between caress and tickle, then lightly scraped the edge with his nails. I shifted, murmuring.

I pulled at the laces that fastened the collar of his shirt, casting them aside and pulling his shirt up. He helped me drag it off, then tossed it aside and pressed down on me again. His hands slid further inside my shirt, wrapping around me and running his hands up my back. He stroked the length of my spine, then scraped along my waist. This time, it was definitely a tickle. I gasped and writhed away from his touch, pressing into his body because I had nowhere else to go. He chuckled, a deep rumbling sound that vibrated through his chest.

"You did that on purpose."

"Damn right." He slid lower, rubbing his body against mine. I made a broken, moaning sound and reached for him; he slid from my arms. His hands had pushed my shirt up until it barely covered my breasts. Kyl pressed his face against my stomach, nuzzling. His breath tickled me, and I stilled. My hands clutched at his shoulders. Kyl curled his hands around my waist and held me. He ran his lips across my skin, brushing kisses over me as I had brushed kisses across his face. After a moment he hesitated, then licked me, a quick, flicking caress. I gasped and arched, pressing my hips harder against him. He licked me again, a slower, longer stroke. When I moaned and cried out his name, he gently scored my belly with his teeth.

He slid up my body, slower than he'd moved down. He kissed me everywhere, my stomach, my navel, the line of my hip. As he moved up, gently licking and nibbling every stretch of skin, I became more and more sensitive. My breath backed up in my throat, tangling. I wanted to moan, but I could barely breathe.

"Kiss me," I demanded, **breathless**.

He rolled his eyes upward, looking at me as he continued to feast upon me. He raised his head just enough to speak. "What do you think I'm doing?" His fingers slid beneath my shirt, tracing the undersides of my breasts. Heat rushed through me, an unstoppable tide governed by his touch. He brushed his fingers across my nipples. I cried out, then lost my voice when he pushed my shirt up further and replaced his hands with his lips. I breathed in broken, ragged gasps as he kissed my breast. He licked my nipple in slow, lazy strokes, as if we had all the time in the world and nothing was more important than this moment.

Nothing was more important than this moment, this touch, this rush of heat and pleasure and need. I arched beneath him, rubbing against his skin and baring myself further for him. He groaned and took more of me into his mouth, licking, sucking, gently using his teeth as if he worried he'd hurt me.

I didn't think he could. Pleasure raced through me too thick and heady to be denied. Nothing he could have done would have negated that. Everything he did felt wonderful, better.

He sat up, releasing my breast. It was damp from his kisses, and the brush of air was exquisite torture. I gasped as the cool touch contracted my nipple and sent and electric thrill through me. "Sit up," he whispered. He wrapped his arms behind my back, helping me. I leaned forward and kissed the skin beneath his jaw, lightly running my tongue over him, tasting him, in a mirror of his own kisses. Sweat clung to his skin in a thin sheen. I followed the line of it and nibbled on his collarbone. Kyl gasped and clutched me tighter against him.

I wanted him to know what he'd given me. I wanted to know what he'd felt as he'd kissed me, caressed me. I moved further down, brushing my lips across the muscled contours of his chest. His nipple was a hard pebble beneath my hand, abrading my palm. I ran gentle touches over it, exploring its velvet texture. It felt wonderful. I bent over and brushed it with my tongue; it tasted better. I covered him with my mouth, sucking and stroking his nipple as he had mine, pulling torn, incoherent cries from him. He shifted restlessly beneath me, pressing against my touch. I smiled and moved my hand down his chest. I brushed my nails across his other nipple, ripping a cry from his throat, then continued further down. His breeches were laced at the waist, the ties hastily knotted. I slid my mouth down his chest and stomach as I pulled at the laces. They parted easily; I pulled them out and set them aside, then slid my hands beneath Kyl's waistband. His skin was just as smooth there, just as hot. I hesitated, at first sliding my fingers along the strip of waist and hip just inside his breeches. Pleasure and need weighed heavily on me, making the air around us thick and difficult to breathe. I rested my forehead against Kyl's stomach and struggled for breath, for sanity. This was a wonderful, glorious, **shattering** kind of insanity, but it was insanity just the same.

"Riannen." Kyl's voice was soft, pleading. I lifted my head and looked up at him. His eyes were wide, his face flushed. He reached down and brushed his hand across my cheek. "Please don't stop," he whispered. His moved his hand to cover mine and slid it deeper within his breeches, brushing my fingers over the thick, hot length of his erection. My eyes widened, my breath shuddered within my chest. I glanced up at him, almost afraid. Pleasure and desperation raced across his face, transforming it. It was a beautiful sight, compelling. "Please, Riannen. I need you."

I nodded, wordless. I couldn't speak. His beauty was too much, the pleasure was too much. I curled my fingers around him and stroked, rubbing the heel of my hand over the head of his erection. He groaned and tossed his head back.

Emboldened by his response, I grabbed the waist of his pants and pulled them down, around his knees and then off. He was naked before me, against me, and absolutely gorgeous. My throat constricted as I looked **down** at him. I bent and brushed my lips across the base of his stomach, following the line of hair that led from chest to groin, telling him without words how beautiful he was. I moved lower, then hesitated. I looked up at him, but he didn't seem to notice. His head was tipped back, his eyes closed, his mouth slack. He panted, his chest moving in heavy gasps.

He'd asked me not to stop. I didn't intend to. Bending lower, I brushed my lips across the underside of his erection, then let my lips part and licked an agonizingly slow line from base to tip. He was even hotter there, his taste much headier. My pleased murmur mixed with his groans as I parted my lips further and took him within my mouth. His hands fisted on the bed sheets, dragging at them. I smiled and flicked my tongue across the head of his penis, where he seemed most sensitive.

Kyl suddenly wrapped his arms around me and rolled, pinning me beneath him. He grabbed my hand and lifted it, pressing a kiss against the palm. I looked up at him, questioning silently. "I'm gone too fast," he whispered, his eyes dark with need and emotion. "I haven't even touched you."

"But I enjoyed--" He slid his hand down my belly and between my thighs, pressing against my flesh. My breath splintered, speech impossible, and suddenly the furthest thing from my mind. I cried out, raw and wordless. I arched off the bed, shoulders pressing into the bed sheets, hips pressing against Kyl's hand. I wanted to feel that again. I wanted to feel the flames that consumed me at his touch.

His fingers moved against my flesh again, shattering reality. It was no longer enough to touch him, to be touched. I wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him down for a fast, greedy kiss that left flesh chafed and the taste of blood filling our mouths. I didn't care. My hand covered his groin again, stroking, tightening ever so slightly around his erection, moving with the same rhythm that he moved against me. His moans fueled my own, his shudders were lost amidst the violence of my own trembling. I needed more, but I had no name for what I needed. Anything. Everything.

Small, helpless groans filled the air, and I realized they came from Kyl. I opened my eyes, watching him as we touched. His eyes were closed, the muscles in his arms trembling as he braced his weight above me. His hips thrust against my hand, controlling the pace. I didn't have the strength to raise up to him again; I kissed his chest and lightly bit him, watching his face.

Kyl tensed against me and groaned, a long, drawn-out sound as heat spilled over my hand and spread across my belly. He collapsed on top of me, limp. His breathing was ragged, his body completely lax on top of me. I wrapped my arms around his back and buried my face in his shoulder, loving the weight of him.

"Kyl," I whispered a few moments later.

He murmured and shifted, wrapping his arms around me.

I chuckled and nudged his shoulder. "Kyl. Let me up."

He raised his head and peered at me. His eyes were slightly unfocused. His expression was that of a man who'd died and found himself in the arms of a goddess. I blushed to see him looking at me with such an expression. "Where are you going?"

I lifted my hand. "I need to clean up."

"Don't leave." He circled his fingers around my wrist and pulled it towards him. I watched, frowning slightly. He pressed a kiss against my forearm, then moved the kisses along my arm, towards my wrist and the mess on my palm. My eyes widened when I realized what he was going to do.

"Kyl--"

He lifted his gaze, meeting mine. I stared into his eyes, frozen. He lapped at the pulse on the inside of my wrist, then slowly slicked across my palm. I shuddered. He moved his mouth over my hand, cleaning it, lightly nibbling on my skin. He flicked his tongue between my fingers, caressing the sensitive skin stretched between them. I gasped.

When my hand was clean, and tingling from his caresses, he pressed a last kiss to the center of my palm and released me, smiling up at me with a sated expression. "Better?"

I cleared my throat. "Much. But. . ."

He frowned. "But?"

Gods. I couldn't say it. I wanted him to touch me so badly, but I couldn't say it without feeling like a fool. I took his wrist the same way he'd held mine just moments before, and slowly moved his touch down my chest, between my breasts and then across my stomach. I brushed his fingers across the sticky substance that had spilled on my stomach. "You haven't finished," I whispered, shaking. Nerves and fear and breathless, helpless anticipation.

Something flickered across Kyl's face, something I couldn't name. Heat, but more. "My apologies," he murmured, and bent over me. The heat of his breath washed over me, a heartbeat before his tongue touched me, hot, wet. I moaned and arched against him. He held my hips, fingers pressing into my ass as his hands tightened, and cleaned my stomach with slow, languid strokes. I shook with need for him. He seemed to sense my desires; once he'd cleaned the evidence of his passion from me, he slid back up my length. He rubbed against me as he moved, until we were face-to-face once again, and the tip of his erection nuzzled between my legs. I stared up into Kyl's eyes, wide-eyed. My mouth had gone dry with too many emotions to name. I licked my lips and slowly wrapped my legs around his waist, holding him against me. I locked my ankles behind his back; I shivered. He had complete control, over his penetration and the pace we set. I watched him, nerves fluttering within me, and drew a long, deep breath. Kyl bent over me, his hands gripping the sheets to either side of my head. I framed his face with my hands and let the breath out incrementally, as he slowly pressed forward and filled me. Instinct clawed at me, urging me to break the pattern of slow breathing and lose control completely. I fought against it. I needed the slow, steady rhythm to focus on. Something stretched inside me, not quite pain but definitely not pleasure, and I needed the rhythm of breathing to focus on and distract me from it. My hands fisted in Kyl's hair, holding him to me. Even holding him within me, I needed him, needed more. He moved so slowly. . .

With a soft, guttural growl, I twisted beneath Kyl and switched our positions. He stared up at me, blinking in shock. For just a moment, I had the advantage, and I took it. I pressed down onto him, taking him inside me as deep as he could go. I let him slide free, then pressed down again, hard, fast. The stroke sent heat tearing at me. I gasped, and repeated the motion.

Kyl groaned. His eyes fluttered closed, then opened again. He stared at me as I moved above him, and I returned the gaze. I pistoned over him, driving myself higher, watching the tension in his face and feeling the tension in his muscles multiply with each movement, each stroke. I tightened around him, holding him fast. He cried out, thrusting his hips up against my weight. The heat that had spilled over my palm and stomach now spread within me, a spark in the midst of a firestorm. I thrust down on him the last few times, lost to anything except the need for completion. Something terrifying and beautiful lay just beyond my grasp, just a step away, another. I reached for it, chased it, until pleasure exploded within me. Fierce, violent, beautiful, transforming. I screamed and, suddenly weak, collapsed on top of Kyl. His arms lifted, wrapping around me, holding me against his chest. I smiled and held him close, our hearts pressed together. I could hear the pound of his pulse vibrating through him, feel my own pulse sending the last remnants of pleasure coursing through me. Our pulses slowed as one, our bodies entwined together. I still held him within me, melded together. Sleep pulled at me, inexorable, but I didn't want to loose that connection. I locked my knees behind his hips, holding him within me even as I feel into the enveloping caress of sleep.