allichaton: (Default)
Damn. Damn, damn, damn. Just been talking to Jon, and he's been "thinking about our relationship". What does he mean by that? And I wish he would stop dropping out of chat right after saying things like that, so we can talk about them. And--I just realized I gave Jon my blog URL, so he may read this, but oh well. I'd've said the same thing (well, maybe not the 'damns' :) ) to him if he'd stayed. And I feel bad that it's depressing him again. He's my friend; I don't want him to be depressed. Especially not because of something involving me. And...if he's depressed because he wants more, I wish he'd tell me. I've been thinking, and I think my ideas about dating and stuff are too romanticized. I realized that whenever I thought about going out with someone, I would think something along the lines of "No, I don't like him like that." But isn't that the whole point of dating? To find out if you'll like someone like that? So... I don't know. This is all awfully confusing, and sometimes I wish it would all go away, but it can't, and I just have to keep reminding myself that everyone goes through stuff like this at one time or another. And I'm grateful for Jon's friendship, and I'll never, ever do anything to risk losing. I don't know what that means, 'cause usually people say that when they're about to say that's why they're not going to go out with one of their friends, but...hell, I'm confused. And I need to write. Bleh. My head's all muddled.


allichaton: (Default)

April 2009



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